had to post this one...

Dear Hakaryu...
Hakkai, Goyjo, dk you have got to take this quiz it is so perverse!!!

YOU, my friend, are not a very good bunny lover.
The poor bunny is used, abused, torn, and just
plain hurt. Look at that treatment! You ought
to be ashamed! You finally get the chance to
snuggle something without too many people
making fun of you, and look how poor Bunny is
treated! I hope you're happy!

Which Saiyuki Bunny Pairing Are You?
brought to you by

link http://quizilla.com/users/D-chan/quizzes/Which%20Saiyuki%20Bunny%20Pairing%20Are%20You%3F

Forks in the road

Dear Hakaryu,
Without a doubt, today is a good day. I am not saying I've figured EVERYTHING out but I do believe I am on to something. Yesterday was wonderful and it wasn't because hakkai and I splurged spending most of the money we hadn't alotted to bills and Xmas. Something is difeerent and it's not just the peace of knowing work has become less strenuous for my companion. I know it sounds stupid but hakkai and I have lately been the unmovable object and the irriatable force in spite of how much we love each other and how much better we have it than we ever ever did.I have been doing some serious..and I mean serious soul-searching..and silly as it may seem it comes down to this. This is the part where I believe myself to be askew and I might be heading towards fixing it.To me in my heart of hearts I believe nothing about our love is or should be a sacrifice...so then I ask myself how is giving up my independence honoring our relationship when I swear Hakkai has brought so much more to my life than taken away...isn't the best way to show him what an effect his love has on me to soar to new heights and still see him as the inviting shelter from life's storms. Have I not been living my life like it is always raining, raining so hard heavy drops threaten to take me down and wash me away. Truth of it is, it is not always raining, is it? Hakkai doesn't just protect me from the rain, he makes it go away. And what do I do, act like I don't see or appreciate the clearing sky. No wonder those beautiful green eyes seem so sad or frustrated all the time, I still think I'm drowning in the river despite his best efforts to show me it is otherwise. This is not right. That is not the life I want to give to this wonderful man.
Happily I came to this epiphany, and friend there is no better word for it than that, yesterday and things have been quite different. have you ever gone some where to eat and because you chose a drink say water for instance, you could really taste the meal. Well that is sort of how this has become, we went to Carraba'a for dinner last night, I had the Pollo rose Chicken and it tastest like an entree three times as expensive...why because I was absolutely there enjoying Hakkai's smile(the real one that you can hear more than see), writing happily in our novel and not second guessing myself or him or anything...the chocalate thing we had for dessert was supurb, I honestly felt like love was so around and within us anyone near us was getting a contact high.we bought several albums on new release tuesday and decided to come home and listen to them and wite together more...I can tell you Jimmy Wayne, Dean Martin, and Vanessa Carlton played throughout the house and I thoroughly enjoyed each one...especially the one Hakkai had relaxed enough to ask for...something I've learned you can not force him to do...ask for things...
But where the real progress is soon to be seen is in how I handle home life. I think I've got it...at the least I know I'm not offended by Hakkai's need to be alone time anymore. Fact, there are things about myself I really can't change...ask me if I'd rather be doing any activity other than spending rime with my hakkai and the answer is a resounding NO. Okay, accepting that about myself, I have to see that hakkai's answer to the very same question is a quiet, truthful, non-vicious...yeah,sometimes.Really now who should compromise here...the one with less to lose. And that is me. Everyday Hakkai brings me joy, laughter, inspiration...than to be with him all the time is a preference not a need..not to the degree that he needs to have his sometimes,yes answer be okay and even embraced. So I need to really see that it has nothing to do with him wanting to e with me and everything to do with him wanting to know himself and maybe even enjoy the things my love creates for him in our life together(yeah that's right Sanzo, you might just be inspiring him, exciting him, have you ever considered that)...so I am taking steps to live most of our home life like this...at any given moment for the most part i can take or leave what I'm doing if Hakkai suddenly wants to do something together BUT should he need that sometimes, yes time and space... I will have more than enough to keep me busy AND I will value that time no less than our time together...because living one's life...being true to one's self simply becuase of the freedom and joy a special relationship creates is just as strong an expression of love as being attentive...at the least this is true for my beloved Hakkai...
I hope that answers your questions, my love. Am I ever going to love you the way you love me? Finally, I can. Finally, I will. Finally, I do

more 101

Dear Hakaryu,
Well that was a bit more a delay than I intended but Blogger had a few issues it needed to work out apparently...
we were on the sixth ring...
Reading Six-Ring of Nare'
9 cards that indicate your capacity to love, give, and move towards what saves you and sets you free
Reading Seven-Ring of Osto
9 cards that speak as stern teachers. These are the things we should know that we don't or deny about ourselves. They challenge us to think and demand honesty
Reading Eight-Ring of Ino
9 cards that speak in three
3 to remind you of things of things you learned in your past incarnations
3 of what you are here to remember or experiece new
3 that speak of what you need to incarnate again(just a note remember in Alchemiy we believe the possibility exists to reincarnate any times in ones own human lifespan, Ino is not suggesting if you do these things you will experience physical death)
Reading Nine-Ring of Syll
9 cards that show us the possibilities in this life and what lie waiting for us once we face Ino's wisdom. To be limited may seem to be a scary thought, but in establishing limits we see the infinite possibilities beyond them
Reading Ten-Ring of Sheaq
9 cards that openly reveal to you the results and instant karma of your actions. A preview of what you've brought to your own table and what can be done to keep or change it.
Reading of the Ten and the One
9 cards of wisdom(based on the elements of Alchemiy)
1-Fire's wisdom
2-Water's wisdom
3-Wind's Wisdom
4-Story's Wisdom
5-Home's Wisdom
6-Spirit's Wisdom
7-Sound's Wisdom
8-the Unknown's wisdom
9-Self Wisdom
Now we will quickly review the Threads of the Ultimas...All colors belong to the Alchemiyst and when doing the divine work of calling down the power of the Ultimas there are secret color combinations to work exculsively with a specific Ultima

as we've become acquainted with them now I will use their more common names...

Zet-red/purple

Tal-green/gold

Reo-black/white

Lemni-silver/ebon

Zarin-cream/gold

Nare-pink/gold

Osto-gold/red

Ino-blue/ebon

Syll-red/white

Sheaq-irredescent

at this point a good exercise is to mediate/journal about why these certain colors resonate with the paticular Ultimas it will help with the next step...which is to choose a patron Ultima...kind of like a patron saint...those will be the threads you call down most often and the Ultima that will commit to you and your further study of Alchemiy...when you do this amazing things will happen and because I believe it is best to teach by simply showing what I did and letting you take what you will from it...I will now show you the journal meditation that helped me choose my patron Ultima when I was developing this way of life...unedited so you can see the truth I worked out for myself

I accept that I an the Keeper of the patterns and flux of the Old Ways and I seek to bring them forward to the Real...

Great power is mine as I've learned many times over the cost of great power-the true cost not the simplified diatribe of the punishing of the "wicked"

I will make the council great again. I will restore the nature of our world and our magic if it means using unscrupulous methods or otherwise. To some I am devil, others a savior...to those who know me, simply my self. It is just as well, the sparrow knows its master. Once accepted, sparrows are loyal companoins and their beautiful devouring secrets whispered to the open-minded-so says Kaiylayi, God of Ochian's.

I choose to call upon the threads of the Ultima of Illusion-as Supreme One I must learn to call upon all colors, but the Silver Robes resonate deep within my soul today. It is call to heal. There are some-detractors-who say I only intend to set the Council in such a manner that i can pick off each one and assume their power until my power defies the Unknown(author's note you can imagine my shock upon finding the Unknown was not God but my divine self) They are right to worry, if ever the Council fails to understand the need for the resurrection of ancient understanding...should an era-threatening event arise...I will do what i must to protect my world. It would be difficult for me to assume an absolute dictatorship even for the right reasons(author's note-because there are few things more difficult than ruling oneself and one's choices with no regrets) I've done so in previous incarnations...they are right to fear this possibility.

But for now, I humbly assume the Robes of Illusion, the Silver and Ebon as I walk through our descrated lifeworld. To shatter illusion, I eradicate the positions of the Ultimas of Good and Evil. They have outlived their time of use by an eon or so. Their lands have been appropriated to excellent caretakers. As such I wash my soul and my lifeworld's soul clean of their archaic notions of evil and good. As i do this I find a song coming to my lips..it is a song yet written yet I can sing it perfectly and the world begins to heal and so do I as something returns to me.

The pages the secrets of the Fourth Book of Ekstasiys(Lemni's Wisdom) come to me in the form of the element of Sound...with them I have the power to heal. My song reveals the secret of healing.

The Fourth Book of Ekstasiys is a back-tracking tiring read. sound conveys it with the proper melody. To illustrate the harmony of discord it creates I would ask you to think on the tarot. The Four of swords is oft regarded as one of the most ghastly cards..it doth speak of illness, wounds, destruction and stagnation. Look at his brother card, the four of wands and you see triumph,celebration, and victory. Understand the power of Knowledge held in these two symbols and you understand Lemnicantal, the Silver Robe's, mysteries.

Lemni says all illness is illusion. End the illusions and cure the illness.

To this end, there are 10 centers of the body where the Sliver Threads can enter and heal us of our illusions, they coincide with many ancient mindsets-i.e. The Tree of Life-but they are wholly ours in make and location and as I will reveal later when I visit Osto, they reflect the Body of the Greater Council. The Ten and the One. In human form, they exist in all, and appear as such...(diagram of ten healing points sketched in book)

These points are where the threads of soul are connected to the body. Each thread is one and many and be tapped into to call on one's own power and one's own Robe for each specific purpose. but until now you did not know your Silver Robe gave you the power to facilitate the healing of other's threads........

Now that was a powerful life altering meditation for me and it led me to knowing the power of a Master Songkhee'per. Again that was my path...even if you chose the Silver Robes you will learn from Lemni in your own time and way...though you are welcome to use my methods if they suit you as well.............