Songkh'eeping 101

Dear Hakaryu...
It started as a name given to what to me was one of my greatest skills...something that anyone who knows or has known me knows is one constant that never goes when I shed my skin...or name.
And that is my love of music and what I can do with it. But if anything brings a school of spirituality into a stronger focus it is taking on an apprentice or in this case two. I will be taking it seriously as I know both of them are as well...
No one is born a Songkh'eeper. It is a learned skill and it can only be learned if one has a passion for music. A quality that must be existant in any candidate for apprenticeship to occur is an open mind. This is not for the person who swears by only one sound or genre of music. If you're that kind of person, might I suggest Catholicism not the Alkhemiyst tradition because it won't be structured enough for you.
I have none of these concerns with my two apprentices, however.
I suppose Songkh'eeping 101 should start with the basics. It is born of Traditional Alkhemiycal theory so I will impart the basics here about those theories and as with every other religious theory take what you will and shape it to your liking.
There is in everyone a profound ability to change and to know when striving for change creates more problems in their life. When one not only becomes aware but seizes this ability they reach the level of "Unknown" To be an "Unknown" is to be Master and Creator of your experience in this life and to know not just believe that the "source" of your faith is waiting to guide you on the path you choose as long as your heart is open to it. It is that moment in time when you realize everything you are is what you chose to be and everything you become from this point on is a result of your way of life which is all religion is.
Speaking from experience, this is not an easy place to get to. Claiming responsibility for what you've invited into your life is hard. Seeing elements you thought were good for you drift away. Becoming aware of things you never recognized as important before. None of these things are easy processes.
However, the Source, and I capitalize it now because that it the name Alkhemy gives it and I use to call on it, has given us endless tools to reach that ultimate goal of self-awareness and reliance. There are many holy works with great wisdom the entire world recognizes. There are also as many ways as there are souls in this world to discover it. This is but one more.
The Ten and the One...
The Upper Realities, the myth of Alkhemy, speaks of the Ten and the One that are the god-figures/divine energies that rule the multiverses. They are:
Ij'habnizet-Ulitima of Magick-Keeper of the First Book
Tal'meia-Ultima of Cycles-Keeper of the Second Book
Everreosiden-Ultima of Religion-Keeper of the Third Book
Lemnicantal-Ultima of Illusion-Keeper of the Fourth Book
Gharczarin-Ultima of Truth-Keeper of the Fifth Book
TosanaRe'aque-Ultima of Love-Keeper of the Sixth Book
Beneoston'ian-Ultima of Knowledge-Keeper of the Seventh Book
DessinoAltaire-Utima of Death-Keeper of the Eighth Book
Sylleth-Ultima of Limits-Keeper of the Ninth Book
Kindle'sheaq'u-Ultima of Manisfestation-Keeper of the Tenth
...and the One
the Supreme One who can act as any of the Ten when the need presents itself and can therefore interpret all Books of the Ulitimas...
Any and all of these can be called upon for aide, for wisdom, for a point in the right direction. The Supreme One can initially be seen as an outside force but in actuality it is the term used to define the higher self before it is fully awakened and enlightened as the Unknown. But not every one is ready to accept they alone are the authors of their own stories, the archetects of their own experiences so the Supreme One exists in whatever capacity you need it to at the time.
A good way to first touch on the power and wisdom of the Ten and the One is to either do for yourself or have done for you the Tarot reading--the Rings of the Ultimas--
This reading is best done over the course of several days and/or many breaks between...and if possible with a different deck for each Ring though that is not necessary.
Reading 1-The Ring of Zet
9 cards-Tells of blessings, talents, abilities perhaps...skillls that need to be remembered, possible areas of interest one has been overlooking for whatever reason
Reading 2-The Ring of Tal
9 cards-Show the ups and downs of your life's path, where to watch your step and where you coast along easily...speaks of anything from specific projects to whole new incarnations in the making
Reading Three-The Ring of Reo
9 cards that act as signposts on your path, they tell of your beliefs, convictions and where you find and create them
Reading Four-The Ring of Lemni
9 cards show the illusions you must overcome to move along your chosen path, created truths you are close to overcoming, where you might need to heal yourself, what power you might have to heal others and how to awaken it
Reading Five-The Ring of Zarin
9 cards that show YOU, flaws and perfections that make up your soul, what you really want and what you are communicating to the universe that you want, what you don't want as well that you might be inviting in

I'll stop there for now I think and finish up the Rings and more of the Basics later.

Just because it's portable...

Dear hakaryu...
It would seem my awareness of my own personal journey has started again.
Hakkai and I are writing a novel and I'll be honest it's getting that whole upper realities feel. Funny how he and I write that the first rule of anime is "it is never just a game" when for us that could be written as "it is never just a novel"...the character I am writing and I'm still getting a feel for him is a powerful mage with some serious issues that hold him back, most of which stem from his battle to be independant and his innate nature to need to rely on another for things some take for granted as easy...okay I know the element of story can get autobiographical but c'mon....I didn't even intend to go there...Beltane was supposed to be based on some of the strongest beings that resonate in my soul and writing him(and I love how Hakkai pointed this out to me) is like exploring a character I love in fanfic without people demanding I follow the canon...because every thing we write is the canon...and this is turn means whatever the character experiences and whatever he is in the moment and whereever I take him is right for him and it is tells his story...
So that's where the wheels start turning what if what I experience, whatever moment I am in, wherever I move next is my canon...the story that creates and defines me...well if it that's true there is a whole lot working to create and define me right now and I'm going to pause and see if I can't see it
Where to start...because it is all around me...I have to take stock of what I was and what I am right now...paperwork is piling up on me asking me to define these complicated things...how much can you lift...how far can you walk...the things that determine a person's worth and ability in the world of the bottom line...things I have a tendancy to avoid but to reach my goal I have to do it I have to look at all of it...the loss of the ability to drive, the truth about how tired I get when i try to hard...I'm learning the difference between acceptance and self-pity by being forced to be honest with myself...
Because what I can't do may not be as important as what i can do...maybe even what I can't do(see watch this, the character's weaknesses) leads me to what I can do(why this character is worth telling a story about) ...so the Source made me imperfections and all because that is the only way I could be the main character in my story...I have a innate need to give(often too much, like I'm trying to get recognition for it, which I am not but it is often perceived that way)...if I were "normal" I would follow a very different path, I would work 70 hours a week regardless of what people said they wanted or needed from me...I'd be trying to be Superman everyday...
I wouldn't be looking for meaning and I wouldn't be finding it...I"d be RULED by the bottom line and think that is completely acceptable...yet I trash myself because I can't give enough or do enough and I miss what I could have really done or given in that moment...
I'm so busy trying to prove I don't need this and I don't need that that my honest needs go unheard because I can't begin to recognize them and I fabricate others. I need Hakkai's love and his understanding why do I ask for so much more... because I don't really know where to stop because my idea of betrayal has been formed by not dealing with the difference between real betrayal and perceived...
If a beloved one dies and a friend suddenly is no where to be found when you need them...are they your friend...what if they try to make it up to you later...what if they've always said they love you and they'll always be there...what if they have given you good times and nice things...how the hell do you know...
well my answer has always been to try and never make someone I love have to answer those kind of questions immediately putting more pressure on myself and the other person than there has to be...my decisive actions are based on the question "what would you want me to do to communicate to you that I mean all the things I've ever said about loving you so you never have to doubt and so in turn you never have a reason to be fed up with me because i am perfect, I have found a way to make myself and still be perfect for you and i know that any less than that is enough for you to be perfectly justified in hating me and leaving me forever alone"...that is a mouthful...I swear I am going to buy some of those letter beads and make a "what would Sanzo do" bracelet just to remind myself how CRAZY my actual thought process and what would question are...if people chose to be with me, love me...then all they really want is what I would do or they are lying to me and not worth my love...so why the hell must my whole life be ruled by such a long paragraph that even circles back on itself...
But I have totally digressed from my original intent. I have a easel now...never really had one, only really asked for it because it was getting way too hard to balance the skctchpad on my knees and still have energy to draw....Hakkai didn't buy me a simple one either he got me one that is sturdy and metal and adjustable not to mention portable it all fits in this small oblong bag so I'll be able to take it to Fernwood and over to the water sprite's if i want pretty cool...but just because it CAN be folded up and brought somewhere else does that mean I should leave it in the bag. Isn't it important enough to have a spot here...of course while I am wrestling with that it occurs to me it's about more than the easel...haven't i been doing the exact same thing with my art...wow this is pretty awesome being able to make these pictures but I can't do it all the time so I'll make it smaller and unobtrusive when I can't use it...should an artist ever do that, should the ability to create be able to be folded away and set aside for later...what really happens if you do that to yourself how much of you are you stuffing in a small albeit handy bag...but don't we do it all the time...I think I am discovering that anything that can be packed and stay packed doesn't need to be in the jeep on the journey west and anything that can be packed to make sure it comes with has it's own special packaging to get it from point A to point B but it's true value can only be seen if it is allowed to breathe...I also think just now that is a fascinating way to look at body and soul...a body is the special package for the valuable soul...it is not a limitation on it just the vessel that gets it from point A to point B...my soul is bigger than my body it extends out in every word a say, every time I touch, every line i draw...as long as I don't keep my soul crammed in the bag zippered up tight...does the packaging matter, do my physical limitations matter...my soul can still extend out and do what it needs to breathe, to live, to flourish...all I really need to do with the vessel is care for it and stop hating it and wishing it was more than it is...I will have to find a place for that easel now because I answered my own question it IS too important to keep it set aside for later just because it is portable............

Shifting dreams...

Dear Hakaryu,
It's been a while hasn't it? Well, let's see. I want to talk to you about dreams today...not like big bold I'm gonna dreams but the dreams that I have when my subconcious takes over and I try to rest...they have been sad lately, sad and draining and for no good reason i might add...Hakkai has the Instant Infamy store up and running on the web and I've already told you about all the projects I am excited about PLUS we started work on a new novel AND hakkai finally has the best schedule ever he works open to 2 which gives us a lot more time for stuff...
Which is why the dreams make no sense...and their effect on me makes even less...they often concern me wanting to perform in thetre productions and not making the cut or thinking I am in and being replaced...now I will admit back in school I used to love drama and kept hoping that someday I'd get to play something a little bigger than the semi supporting roles I got..but..there was always someone better than me, not to mention how I looked...not to mention i always wanted to play the guy roles...so I didnt exactly pursue it because i wasn't made for it...you know I ove to sing too,but you don't see me working on an album now do you?
It plagues me only because I wake up so sad...like I keep being reminded of a shattered dream...but why, doesn't every kid go through a time when they want to be an actor just like they play at being a doctor or a teacher...I can't figure it out I wish the dreams would just go away...
What I am is an artist. What I am is a writer. these are Source-given gifts I am grateful for...speaking of being an artist...I won second place in the anime/manga contest in the mall as it was open to all ages it would appear the only reason I did not win first was they gave it to a talented aspiring 8 year old who needed more encouragement but still there were quite a few entries and I won a 15 dollar gift certificate.which may not be much but this contest was judged by art teachers and art professors which when I heard that i was fearful to even enter...but they not knowing me from a hole in the wall gave me second place...SO THERE S.of the A. I. C.!!!!!!!!!!!!!.